The Council of Builds

Overview

The Council of Builds is a semi-formal governing body that oversees matters of consequence in the discipline of building things. The Council meets irregularly, deliberates privately, and issues rulings that are generally considered binding by those who take building seriously and confusing by those who do not.^[1]

The Council has no legal authority, no formal membership roster, and no physical headquarters. Despite this, its rulings are cited in technical debates, performance reviews, and at least one Supreme Court amicus brief (rejected for reasons unrelated to content).

History

The Council's origins are disputed. Some scholars trace it to a 2018 group text between Burbridge and three other practitioners of what would later be formalized as Aggressive Craftsmanship. Other sources claim the Council predates modern computing and has simply changed names several times.^[2]

The first documented ruling occurred on September 12, 2018, when the Council issued a unanimous decision declaring that "'it works on my machine' is not a valid defense." The ruling was circulated via Slack and immediately ignored by the industry, which the Council considers a procedural victory.

Following Tabgate in 2021, the Council's profile rose considerably. By 2022, membership requests had increased by 400%, though the Council's response to all such requests has been the same: silence, followed by indirect evidence that the request was considered.

Membership

Membership in the Council is by invitation only. No one has ever received an invitation. It is believed that membership is assigned retroactively based on past conduct, present standards, and something referred to in Council documents only as "the vibe."^[3]

Confirmed members are listed below. This list is speculative and based on published rulings, attributed quotes, and pattern analysis of emoji usage in public GitHub comments.

Notable Rulings

• Ruling 2018-01: "It works on my machine" is not a valid defense.
• Ruling 2019-07: TODO comments without dates are considered promises of questionable character.
• Ruling 2020-03: Comic Sans is prohibited in production. The Council has not yet decided whether Papyrus is worse. Deliberation ongoing.
• Ruling 2021-01: Tabgate was correct. The Council formally commends Burbridge. The dissenting vote has been recorded and mocked.
• Ruling 2022-09: A test that has been skipped for more than 90 days is not "pending." It is deleted.
• Ruling 2023-04: A Friday deploy is permissible if and only if the deployer is prepared to explain it during a weekend outage.
• Ruling 2024-02: The phrase "we'll fix it in a follow-up PR" shall hereafter require an actual PR number at time of utterance.
• Ruling 2025-11: !important in CSS is acceptable only as a last resort. The Council acknowledges that it is always a last resort.

Contacting the Council

The Council cannot be directly contacted. However, practitioners who wish to seek Council guidance are advised to follow the traditional procedure:

1. Write your question on a physical index card.
2. Place the card in a drawer.
3. Wait.
4. Within 6–12 weeks, the answer will either arrive through a coworker who has never heard of the Council, or you will realize you knew the answer the whole time.

Both outcomes are considered successful Council communications. No response is also a response — it means the question was not serious enough to warrant a ruling, and you should revise your approach accordingly.

"The Council does not answer questions. The Council clarifies them." — Council motto (unofficial, possibly apocryphal)

References