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Printer Incident #4471

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CLASSIFIED • COUNCIL EYES ONLY
REDACTED DOCUMENT
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CONTENTS
  1. Overview
  2. Timeline
  3. Aftermath
  4. Status of the Printer
  5. See Also
  6. References

Overview

Printer Incident #4471 refers to an event that took place on ████ ██, 20██ at approximately ██:██ ██, involving Burbridge and a ████████████████ networked laser printer, model ███████.[1]

The incident is classified as a Category █ event by the IBBQ. Witness statements describe the event as "█████████████████████████████████" and, in at least one case, "█████████████████████."

The outcome of the incident has been officially recorded as "technically a draw."[2]

Timeline

TIME EVENT
██:██ Burbridge approaches the printer with a print job of ██ pages.
██:██ Printer displays the error: "█████████████████████"
██:██ Burbridge observes the error. Burbridge does not react.
██:██ Burbridge attempts to ██████████████████████████████████████. The printer declines.
██:██ Witnesses report a shift in ambient tension. One witness later described the feeling as "████████████████."
██:██ Burbridge addresses the printer directly. The statement is documented in full in the Council archives.
██:██ The printer prints ██ pages. They are not the requested pages.
██:██ Burbridge █████████████████████████████████.
██:██ The printer ███████████████████████████.
██:██ Both parties walk away. One is unplugged.

Aftermath

In the hours following the incident, the following events were documented:

  • IT ticket #████-████ was filed and subsequently marked "Won't Fix."
  • The office facilities team was informed. Their response has been redacted in full for their protection.
  • Three nearby colleagues reported an inability to concentrate for the remainder of the afternoon.
  • The Council of Builds convened within ██ hours.
  • A commemorative plaque was briefly considered and then quietly shelved.
"I wasn't there, but I've heard about it. I'd rather not discuss it further." — Colleague, five years later
"[REDACTED]" — Burbridge, when asked for comment

Status of the Printer

The printer involved in Incident #4471 was decommissioned within ██ days of the event. It is no longer in service. Its current whereabouts are ████████████████, and the matter is considered closed.

The Council of Builds has declined to identify the make, model, or IP address of the printer. The Council has further declined to confirm whether the printer still exists.

FURTHER INQUIRIES DECLINED

References

  1. Printer Incident Report #4471. Original filing: ████████████. Redacted version on file with the Council of Builds.
  2. Official incident classification, per Council ruling. Filed under "Unresolved / Technically a Draw."
CATEGORIES: Incidents Builders